How to be Supportive to Someone Coming Out

 

June is Pride month, a time to recognize the impact that lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender individuals have had on history locally, nationally, and internationally. One of Acknowledge Alliance’s guiding principles and agency values is that we are Relationship-based. This means that as a diverse group of individuals who come together in understanding and collaboration, we make room to learn, model discomfort and awareness, and acknowledge a growth mindset. When someone from the LGBTQIA+ community decides to have a coming out conversation, they may be sharing a deeply private aspect of their identity, in hopes that they will receive acceptance and support in response. Even when a loved one has the best of intentions, it can be challenging to know what to do and say when someone comes out to you. In honor of Pride month, we share helpful tips from NPR for having a positive conversation when someone comes out to you.

 

1. Make Time for the Conversation

Both parties should recognize that coming out is not a conversation that can be rushed or happen only once (Tu & Low, 2022). Such an important discussion requires a real time commitment so that everyone involved has the opportunity to digest and adjust.

 

2. Just Listen and Make Space for Them
The fact that someone has chosen to come out to you likely means that they trust you and feel safe being vulnerable with you. Try to hold back on bringing up your own feelings, questions or concerns until a later time. During this first conversation, focus on listening deeply. If you find yourself feeling discomfort, reflect on why you are feeling that way without discussing it. Recognize that it is your own responsibility to deal with those feelings, not the other person’s.
 

3. Do Not Ask Invasive Questions
Let the person share as much as they are comfortable with, and do not ask questions that they might feel uncomfortable sharing. They are being vulnerable and opening up to you, but they are still entitled to privacy and boundaries.
 

4. Look for Role Models

It is likely that you know someone who has had someone come out to them, and found a way to be a champion for that person. Connect with that individual and see what advice they can offer you so you can do the same.

 

Resources for Exploring Identity and Coming Out

If you or someone you know needs tools and support for exploring or sharing their sexual orientation and/or gender identity, check out these resources:
 

• The Trevor Project’s Coming Out Handbook: Explore what coming out means to you with tools and guiding questions
   
• Out2Enroll: a national initiative launched in September 2013 to connect LGBTQ people and families with the health insurance coverage options available under the Affordable Care Act
   
• GLSEN’s Coming Out: A Resource for LGBTQ Students:To help with the coming out process, GLSEN has compiled some key things for you to think about and consider as you begin to share your identities around sexuality and gender.
   
• Caminar’s The LGBTQ Youth Space: Offer drop-in services and counseling for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning and ally youth and young adults ages 13-25 who live in Santa Clara County.
   
• Starvista’s San Mateo County Pride Center: A safe space for LGBTQ+ folks throughout the peninsula to seek behavioral health services or gather in community.
  https://sanmateopride.org/

 

References

 

Tu, Kathy & Low, Tubin. (2022, December 21). How to navigate coming out on either side of the conversation. Retrieved from https://www.npr.org/2020/06/01/867059156/navigating-the-coming-out-conversation-from-both-sides